I realized today after talking to my website designer super women that I haven't been blogging about my 2nd pregnancy at all. How do you get to know me and trust me to help you with your pregnancy and children if I can't share a bit of myself. Truth be told though I am very "shy" about my pregnancies, I think it comes from the fact I like to live a holistic lifestyle but with my heart condition I have to have a medically watched pregnancy and birth. Nothing like I would ideally want, knowing what I know about medical intervention. Makes be a little sad and selfishly but this is the healthiest route (I know in my heart of hearts) for both me and babe. I feel selfish because if the baby is harmed in anyway because of the extra ultrasounds, the induction, epidural or the use of the vacuum I would feel soo guilty. If I could have my way I would labour and birth in a bath tub in a field with a midwife and a doula that knew my full name and my families name. Being "just a heart case" when going into the baby doctors office is a little hard on the emotions. I am a pretty tough cookie and have been dealing with this my whole life but when it comes to my baby and the only thing they ask is how's MY heart doing, it wears on you. Or when they tell the interns how high your chances are of heart failure is...ugh my name is Kim I am carrying a baby and I am more then those words on that chart!!
I think I am known a little more around the clinic the 2nd time around plus I have a big mouth and like to explain why probiotics and fish oil are important, why I don't need or drink cows milk and every baby in utero should be scanned for transposition of the great arteries like I have. Some doctors listen, some just rush to the next mommy but I feel like I should be heard. I have asked them to explain my condition to interns outside the room because I don't need OR connect to what they are saying about my heart. I truly believe if I listen to my instincts I will be fine. I do listen to the doctors they truly know what is best on how to keep me and baby healthy through this time and delivery but if something feels wrong I question it. So the reason I haven't blogged about my pregnancy is because I feel so different then most mommies, I don't what to hear or read the studies about how bad this or that is. I feel a little alone in it all and with years of doctor visits I am a natural worry wort. So I talk to my husband, mom and close friends but that's really it. I listen to my body in what to feed it, which is beef burgers... so crazy and my iron levels are good. I take supplements that I know are beneficial and ones that don't jive with me I don't take. I ask about my blood work numbers, I exercise when I can, pre natal yoga and staying home with a 2 year is enough. Plus at the end of the day until this little one is birthed I feel I want to have a private moment with him, just me and babe. I'm a funny duck I guess. I feel at almost 35 years old I'm still finding my way, my voice within the nutrition industry, the community and motherhood.
I can tell you this though, the 1st trimester was more exhausting then I remember. Picking up a kicking 2 year old makes things in your body pull, stretch and hurt in places you never thought of. My chiropractor has magic hands and is my midwife and therapist all in one. I have become a little more spiritual and I am learning to trust my gut a lot more. This baby is a natural born kick boxer and my internal organs hurt.
I am working hard on getting the website finished before baby, finish some e-books, organize the house and everything that goes with it all. I am so grateful to do what I do as far as work and stay at home with my main man. It's tiring as shit some days and I'm sure my uterus is going to fall out but I wouldn't change a thing. Well family being closer would help. I am so excited to share the new website and I will try to blog more personal posts when I can. If you are a 35 year women with post mustard surgery you can relate bullshit, but that's not true, any mommy trying to navigate the medical system, have a personal pregnancy and birth will get this.
Well back to the dishes and more writing... random personal blog post DONE! :)
The little man woke up just as I was about to send this... he wanted in on the picture action.